'Miley Naa Miley Hum'; This Meeting Lacks Meat

(Ratings: Poor * Average ** Good *** Very Good**** Excellent *****)

Bad actors come and go, but the terrible ones stay. Bollywood has more than a few residents who will testify to that. The latest entrant here, is Chirag Paswan, who, in his premier cinematic release, Miley Naa Miley Hum, mounts a hefty challenge to the title of B'town's worst actor, with his painfully limited emotive range.
 
Produced by Dr.Anuj Saxena, he of the erstwhile TV roles, Miley Naa Miley Hum is written and directed by Tanveer Khan, who has a few other forgettable films to his credit. And in all fairness, this affair is as convolutedly written as it is badly directed.

The plot deals with the rift between vineyard owner Siddharth, played by Kabir Bedi, and Shalini, a business tycoon, portrayed by Poonam Dhillon, who used to be married at one point, but are now divorced and content in scowling at each other. The two share custody of their son, Chirag, played by, you guessed it, Chirag Paswan. Why they are still fighting over him is a mystery, given that he is clearly an adult, and custody agreements clearly don't apply.
 
In any case, stretched between mummy and daddy, little Chirag is a harassed soul, as both are trying to win him over by setting him up with a girl of their choice; in Shalini's case, that is Kamiah, played by Sagarika Ghatge, an NRI daughter of a friend, while Siddharth is all for Manjeet, as played by Neeru Bajwa, who is his best friend Dharampal, AKA Dalip Tahil's daughter. Tested to his limits, Chirag cons his parents into believing he is in love with a random model he spots on a billboard. He soon discovers that said random model is Kangna Ranaut, who is named Anushka here. Things quickly get dicey, as Chirag convinces her to play along in a couple of song sequences and parents cave in as well. Oh, and also, there's some tennis in there.
 
Acting apart, Miley Naa Miley Hum comes apart right in its opening moments, when it makes its intent clear. The idea of a child trying to bring his parents back together is an endearing subject when the central character is actually a kid. Instead, when you have a grown man trying to reunite his parents, it just seems a bit too needy.
 
The film's characterisations are quite off-centre too. Why Kabir Bedi's half-hearted Hitler act turns into an understanding father all of a sudden is inexplicable, while Poonam Dhillon's loving mother takes the most sudden dark turn without reason. Chirag Paswan's son of the soil act in the opening moments doesn't quite sit right either, while Kangana's Anushka just runs through the film like a sudden storm.
 
The film's performances are all uniformly bad. Chirag Paswan, who is present in virtually every frame of this affair, has no tangible emotive range, with a monotonous dialogue delivery to match. And though he is fairly good-looking, he drags his debut feature down by literally carrying a single expression on his face throughout the film.
 
Kangana Ranaut is good in parts, but she desperately needs to work on her diction, and quick. She looks fine, with some skin-show pulled in, but her ill-etched character holds her back from matching up on the acting side too. The others, Neeru Bajwa and Sagarika also have similarly short roles, but manage to do a good job there. The veterans, Kabir Bedi and Poonam Dhillon, are okay, though they still ham it up in places. Dalip Tahil and Suresh Menon are wasted.
 
The film's music by Sajid-Wajid is mediocre and badly produced. The katto gilehri song spices things up initially, but they quickly go bust.
 
Miley Naa Miley Hum suffers in all directions, be it the casting choices, direction, storyline or music. Chirag Paswan needs to work a lot on his acting skills if he is to make a mark after this debacle of a debut vehicle. What Kangana Ranaut, who has a fairly flourishing career going for her, is doing here, one has no idea. In any case, for now, Tanveer Khan's latest is not worth the price of a ticket-buy.