Heist Headache!

(Ratings: Poor * Average ** Good *** Very Good**** Excellent *****)

With stalwarts of comedy like Govinda, Jaaved Jafferi and Suresh Menon, one hopes fervently that a movie starring all three would prove to be a barrel of laughs. Unfortunately, Loot does not live up to expectations and leaves the viewer with a bad taste in the mouth.

The self-proclaimed comic caper revolves around the misadventures of four criminals comprising Builder (Suniel Shetty), Panditji (Govinda), Akbar (Jaaved Jafferi) and Wilson (Mahakshay Chakraborty) who work for one Batliwala (Dalip Tahil). The four rogues are sent on a mission to Pattaya to rob a house filled with priceless valuables.

However, the quartet soon discover that the house they have been sent to rob belongs to a dreaded don named Lala (Mahesh Manjrekar), an unpleasant sod who doesn't think twice about breaking his own brother's arm (Suresh Menon) for an unpaid debt. If robbing a don's residence was not enough, the quarter also manage to get in the way of a 'shayari' spouting Intelligence agent VP Singh (Ravi Kissen) keeping tabs on the don, an underworld patriarch Khan saab (Prem Chopra) and an East Asian thug named Asif (?) trying to trace his stolen car. Pretty soon, all the characters of the film are pulled in a cat and mouse with each other, with some audio tapes containing some damning conversations being the prize of the game.

In a very predictable climax, the quartet, with some help by a local hustler (Mika) and his moll (Kim Sharma) manage to set off the bad guys against each other and save their collective bacons in the process (Yawn).

From the very start, the lead actors prove themselves to be irritants. Govinda and Jaaved Jafferi talk in exaggerated North Indian and Mumbaiyya accents respectively and a plump Mahakshay, complete with a double chin insists on inserting the word 'man' in every sentence he utters in his squeaky voice just because his character is a Christian (we mean...get a life, guys!). Suresh Menon, one of the best comedians in the industry appears in a 'blink and you miss' role. Suniel Shetty is as wooden as always and Mika and Kim Sharma fail to make an impact either.

Shweta Bhardwaj, who plays Tania, the quartet's Pattaya contact tries hard but fails miserably at the 'oomph factor' and comes across as a 'dumb blonde' types and Ravi Kissen as an Intelligence agent spills the beans about a double cross plot after being subjected to a mild electric shock (can someone in the Intelligence Bureau please sue the makers of Loot for showing such a pansy intelligence operative, please?)

The only saving grace, if we can call it that, proves to be the long suffering Lala (Mahesh Manjrekar) with his crazy cackle and Prem Chopra, with a penchant for old films. However, the humour is not even worth chuckling (except in some of the rare scenes involving Mahesh Manjrekar) and the performances are not worth writing home about. All in all, Loot remains an extremely avoidable fare.